


I Hate You And I Hope You Know That.

by fanofmischiefmakers



Series: Just me writing Angst.. [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: 4 Times Remus Lupin Said, Angst, M/M, One Shot, Remus Lupin Needs a Hug, no happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-16
Updated: 2020-11-16
Packaged: 2021-03-10 06:07:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,679
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27588596
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fanofmischiefmakers/pseuds/fanofmischiefmakers
Summary: “I hate you and I hope you know that.”, Remus grumbled to Sirius as they were going to McGonagall’s office.“Remus, do you really hate me?” were the words that shaking came out of Sirius's mouth. Remus didn't know who had hurt Sirius but he was ready to fight anyone who did from that moment.ORFour Times Remus says a sentence.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Series: Just me writing Angst.. [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2037598
Comments: 4
Kudos: 33





	I Hate You And I Hope You Know That.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [stagecrime](https://archiveofourown.org/users/stagecrime/gifts).



> Hello!! I am not entirely sure this like how it was supposed to be. But, I hope you like it.

The first time Remus said this to someone was in his first year at Hogwarts. James and Sirius did a very notorious prank of dropping water balloons on Slytherin table on a very fine day of March. 

McGonagall had given him detention for the same when he wasn’t even involved in it. Well, he just told them the perfect spell for the prank but the other two boys executed the plan. 

He was salty as the full moon was just after the day of detention. He could go to McGonagall and she would change it but he thought that he was being a coward and was using his problem as an excuse to get out of detention. 

“ ** _I hate you and I hope you know that_.**”, he grumbled to Sirius as they were going to McGonagall’s office. 

“I am really sorry, Remus.” Sirius said in a very concerned tone, his eyes on Remus as his face showed fear. “I will do your work when McGonagall will leave us alone. But please don’t hate me.”

Remus ignored him and kept walking. Contrary to what he had thought, the detention was very enjoyable (a truth he will never admit to other Marauders). They had been given a task to set detention slips in order and Sirius and James, being purebloods knew about many of them. Peter enacted the situation which caused the people whose names are in slips to face the wrath of Professors and Remus’s stomach ached with laughter.

That night, Sirius couldn’t help but go to Remus’s bed and call him. As Remus opened the curtains, he did not see ‘The Sirius Black’ but he saw a boy who was insecure like him but in a way he didn’t knew. He was sweating and his expressions showed fear. Remus hadn’t seen Sirius like that before. 

“Remus, do you really hate me?” were the words that shaking came out of his mouth. Remus didn't know who had hurt Sirius but he was ready to fight anyone who did from that moment.

"I said that jokingly." Remus said afraid to hurt him more. Sirius's face split into an invaluable smile which made Remus’s heart melt. They spent the night talking to each other.

~

The second time Remus said this to someone was in his second year when his friends got to know his darkest secret.

"Remus. I- we know about your lycanthropy." Peter had blurted when they were in their dorm. Wide eyed, he tried to get up but Sirius had his wrist in his hands. 

"We are okay with it." James added quickly. 

Another shock engulfed Remus. He had a faint idea that some day or other his friends would get to know about his condition, but never in the million years he thought that they would be okay with it. He let out a shocking yet frightened sigh. 

He was dangerous. He could hurt or even kill them. He- it was his fault. He shouldn't have let himself get close to others. He was ready to go into the forest and cry because that was the initial plan. His friends will find out about his lycanthropy and won't accept him and he will go to the forest and cry. He will be doing the same even if there is a slight change in the plan but his wrist was still holded by Sirius.

"Leave me. I am a dark creature and I can kill you." Remus said. "Why are you still holding me? I-"

"You are not a dark creature Remus. You are the most purest human I have ever met. If you wanted to kill us, why are we still alive?" Sirius asked. 

Remus didn't have an answer.

" _ **I hate you and I hope you know that**_." he whispered faintly.

"You can hate me for treating you like you should be treated. But, we are never gonna be prejudiced like those bloody idiots. You are our friend who helps us and it's ok if you h-"

"I don't hate you. I never thought you were going to accept me." Remus said with tears in his eyes.

"Don't you dare think that we'll ever have a problem with your lycanthropy." James said putting a hand over his shoulder and making him sit properly. 

~

The third time Remus said that to someone, he wasn’t at Hogwarts. It was the summer holidays of ‘76. He was staying at the Potters after ‘The Prank’ took place at the end of year. He ignored Sirius like a plague for coming days before knowing that Sirius went to Grimmauld Place.

He knew the cruelty of the Black family after he saw all the scars and bruises on Sirius after summer holidays of last year. He didn’t want to let him go. Sirius always used to hide the bruises but a small mistake revealed them last year. 

The days were hard to spend. He stayed at the Potters because his parents were out of the country and Sirius also knew it. He often spent half the time thinking about Sirius and the other half talking to James about the ideas to get Sirius out of the hell. 

It was a normal day. Normal day until he heard a shriek. James and he ran to the place from where the shriek originated. A girl- Maria, as Remus knew who was also James's neighbour was standing with hands on her eyes.

In front of her, a body was lying. Not just any body, but a body he recognized very well. Remus was petrified. His senses left him. 

"Sirius", James's shout brought him back to reality. He helped him carry unconscious Sirius in the house.

Sirius didn’t came into consciousness till the next day due to an intense Cruciatus Curse performed on him. Remus’s heart broke when he realised that Sirius was murmuring him apologises unconsciously. 

When Sirius came out into consciousness, he was avoiding Remus's eye. Remus knew why. Because Sirius was still not able to forgive him. Because Sirius still thought that getting tortured intensely by your own family members wasn't cruel enough for him. Remus wanted to prove him wrong. 

" _ **I hate you and I hope you know that**_." Remus's voice was clear this time. No grumble or whisper, but a confident voice. 

Sirius, in return, simply nodded as Remus noticed tears forming in his eyes.

"I hate you for berating yourself." Sirius's shocked gaze was now at Remus. "I hate you for going to that hell. I hate you for thinking that you deserve the cruelty your so-called family gives you. I hate you for thinking that you deserve anything other than love."

James, who was sitting there sniffed and said, "Moony's right. Padfoot. You were the brother I never had and you always will be."

That was the day when the boys let their built-up personality down and confessed to each other how much value they hold in their life. That was the day when they became more close than ever. They enjoyed the moment, unaware what the future had for them.

~

The fourth and last time Remus said that to something was pretty long after the third one. Even that day was normal before a patronus came swarming into his and Sirius's room. A doe. Snape's patronus spoke clearly, "Black, Lupin, don't waste time and go to the Department of Mysteries with other order members. Potter, being arrogant, has gone to save Black as he thinks that Black is under attack."

Panic overtook him. He informed other order members and they apparated to the Department of Mysteries. He can’t let Harry fight death eaters alone.

He dueled against several death eaters and as he was going to help Sirius, he saw it. Sirius was dueling against Bellatrix. The veil of death was just behind him. 

"Come on, you can do better than that!" Sirius yelled with a laugh before a curse from Bellatrix's wand hit him straight on the chest and he fell. Leaving Remus behind. Leaving everything that happened to him- to them. He fell in the Veil of Death. Blood drained out of Remus's face. Just as he was going to jump through the veil in a hope to save Sirius, he saw Harry trying to do the same.

Leaving everything that he had in his mind, he grabbed Harry around the chest, in an attempt to hold him back, because whatever he had in his mind, his main priority was and always will be Harry.

Harry struggled in his arms. He had to admit the truth to Harry- to himself because some part of him still hoped Sirius was alive. Truth is painful, but it is better than lies.

‘There’s nothing you can do, Harry –’ 

‘Get him, save him, he’s only just gone through!’ 

‘– it’s too late, Harry.’ 

‘We can still reach him –’ 

"There’s nothing you can do, Harry ... nothing ... he’s gone."

After few more painful conversations, Harry realised that Remus wasn't lying and he, despite being told not to, went after Bellatrix. Thankfully, Dumbledore was there. 

Without talking to anyone, he apparated to Grimmauld Place. 

Then it hit him, rather painfully but it did.

Sirius wasn't coming back. 

He screamed. No one was there to stop him. He screamed until his lungs started aching and he wasn't capable of screaming anymore. 

Flashbacks were swarming in his mind. The first time he and Sirius met, Pranks, The first time they kissed ignoring everyone. Stolen kisses, holding hands, Their reunion after Sirius's escape from Azkaban. 

If he'd known it was the last time he was seeing Sirius, he would see him a little longer. If he'd known it was the last kiss they share, he would have kissed him a little longer. If he'd known it was the last time they talked to each other, he would never let the conversation end because he needed Sirius. Harry needed Sirius and he simply gone. 

" _ **I hate you and I hope you know that.**_ " Remus breathed in the air.

But this time, Sirius wasn't there to respond. This time Remus was alone.


End file.
